Don't Single Shame Me

No plus one

There’s a well-known term called slut-shaming, but tonight I’m coining a new one: single-shaming, or society making singles feel less than.

I’ve noticed that as you get older, being single suddenly becomes a storyline people project onto you.

A question mark.
A flaw to diagnose.
A puzzle to solve.

It’s almost laughable how quickly independence morphs, in their eyes, into deficiency.

I was recently invited to a wedding where only people in serious partnerships were allowed a plus-one. I asked to bring a friend for support, because yes, attending milestone moments alone can feel emotionally loaded, and the answer was still no.

No partner, no support.

Translation?

Your relationships don’t count unless they’re romantic. Your experience doesn’t matter unless it’s tethered to someone else.

What’s ironic, and honestly infuriating, is that the people who already have built-in support get rewarded with more of it.

The partnered person — who literally walks through life with someone beside them — is considered worthy of an escort.

Meanwhile, the person who might actually need emotional support the most is told to show up alone.

But that’s the thing about single-shaming…it’s invisible because it’s socially acceptable.

Here are some of the common forms it takes on (especially at family gatherings):

“Maybe you’re too picky.”
“You’re so successful…why hasn’t anyone chosen you?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone. There’s still time.”

But here’s what nobody says out loud: Being single, truly single, is often the braver path.

Because most people don’t choose their relationships; they choose not to be alone. They settle. Date out of fear. Cling to “good enough” and convenient.

But being single is not a failure or a passivity.

In fact, it’s a declaration that sounds something like this:

I will not pair my life with someone who is misaligned with my values, my needs, or my future, even if that means walking alone for a while.

There’s power there. Clarity. Emotional self-respect. A rarity in many ways these days.

And I’m here to call out a common paradox as well.

We often applaud women who leave bad relationships, but we penalize the ones who never entered them in the first place because they were discerning from the start.

So yes, I’ll say it again. Single-shaming exists.

But guess what?

Some of us are single because we refuse to settle for the wrong person.

And that is not something to be ashamed of.

It’s something to be admired.

And if that makes people uncomfortable, that says more about their fear of loneliness than it ever will about us….

*Photo is a screenshot from Thatcoolmoodboard